Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP.com

OK, I ain’t trying to hate on Gwyneth Paltrow or anything, because, unlike a lot of bloggers out there, we love us some Gwynnie. She’s cute, crafty, a pretty decent actress, an even better talk show guest, and her new PBS series with chef Mario Batali: “Spain…On The Road Again” looks awesome! It’s actually been winking at us all week from our Tivo…we’ll let you know it is.

But despite all the things we dig about Gwyneth, we — or maybe it’s just I — cannot get behind her recent jump into the already-crowded lifestyle guru business. That’s right, amigos, Gwyneth launched a lifestyle website this week, and though I’m down with anyone joining the blogosphere, I gotta say, her site is, well…kinda laughable.

First off, the name: GOOP.com. Huh? Weird. Secondly, she has virtually no content anywhere on the site save for the one really cloying, actressy “mission statement” pictured above. And “Nourish the inner aspect”…? What does that even mean? Urgh, kill me already.

Admittedly, the site just launched this week in “preview” form, so maybe GP’s cooking up some seriously def blog posts, but why launch a website with nothing on it? Lame. However, my biggest beef with Gwynnie’s new site is that she totally stole my concept. Seriously! As you can see above, GOOP is organized by categories labeled: “Make”, “Go”, “Get”, “Do”, “Be” and “See”. Jeepers, all she left out was the “Eat”. Might as well take that one too, you old blog-idea-stealer!

I’m not too worried though, if the steady barrage of online Paltrow bashing continues, GOOP will probably die a pretty quick and painless death. And though I don’t agree with much of what has been written about poor Gwynnie, I have to say the best quote I read about her misguided adventures in blogging appeared in an article by Maria Russo in this week’s L.A. Times.

“That brings us back to the life-advice-from-a-star issue. Women are unlikely to line up to hear Paltrow explain how she has perfected the art of living. It’s a tricky line you have to walk, if you want to advise the fair sex. You really ought to have suffered some sort of great hardship and loss. It also helps if you struggle ceaselessly with your weight, and it’s a bonus if your domestic arrangements are on the freakish side. As evidence, I offer this list of successful, beloved female advice purveyors: Oprah. Martha. Suze. Rosie. Tyra.”

Ha, I couldn’t have said it better. So, my advice to Gwynnie is to fatten up, go gay or serve some time and then we’ll talk, or you know…listen. And in the meantime, give me back my blog concept, flaca!