Wolverine at the Oscars…

OK, I know this mini-review of the big night is a couple of days too late, but I gotta say that, surprisingly, Hugh Jackman did not totally suck as host of the Oscars. The opening number was actually pretty funny and he tried his damnedest to keep a very bloated telecast light and lively, but, any way you look at it, that second big dance number was a total train wreck.

First off, Beyoncé needs to simmer. Seriously, she should go into hiding for the rest of the year, America has had enough of her. And if the bitch sings “At Last” one more time, I swear to God, Etta James is gonna have to get in line to beat her down. Enough with that already! Yikes…

The most annoying  thing about that colosally over-produced number — aside from the fact that it serves as further proof that Baz Luhrmann has just plain lost his mind — was that most of the songs they “celebrated” were never even nominated for Oscars. So, what was the whole thing about? The return of the musical? What, because there were three big musicals released last year? Please…that was such a stretch.

I was also really annoyed with the clips they played this year too, those comedy and action scenes were kinda cool, but, seriously, sometimes it felt like we were watching the freaking MTV Movie Awards: “And now, Will Smith will present the award for Best Kiss.” Y’all are the Oscars, OK? You do not need to pander to kids with a bunch of clips from movies that most of your craggy-old membership has never even seen. Aside from being a total time-filler, it’s just lame…

And though I am so down with most of the winners — especially all the Oscar gold for “Slumdog” and the “Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto” quoting Japanese dude! — I have to admit that those creepy induction ceremonies with the past acting winners were just plain scary. Yes, it was great to see some of the old timers out there onstage, but, wow…that whole circle of five shit was freaky.

We kept joking that they were gonna give the winner a chalice of blood to drink from at the end of it all: “Welcome to the club. Now drink from the blood of Oscar and live forever…” Ahh!

Of course, being the Oscar nerd that I am, I went back later and re-watched each of the acting award presentations to see if maybe I missed something. I mean, were we just overreacting when we laughed through most of them? And guess what, we weren’t. That shit was crazy. Well-intentioned and very sweet sometimes, but still straight-up crazy.

I’ll write another post soon about the super cool Oscar-themed food we had at our party, but for now, here’s hoping the Academy works out the major kinks from this year’s show in time for next year’s bash.

Oh yeah, and I HATED the Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenix bit. I think Stiller stopped being funny like, ten years ago, but when he kept on mugging for the cameras as the clips from the nominated films played behind him, seriously, I wanted to kill the dude. That is just plain rude, man. Even hot-ass co-presenter, Queen Amidala, looked embarrassed…

But like I said, overall, a pretty decent show. I was pleased. Dying to hear what you guys thought of the big night, so comment away…

TODAY ONLY: Free tacos at Jack in the Box!

I know I’ve been a pretty lame-ass blogger this past couple of weeks, but with the baby coming in a little less than two weeks, I’ve been trying to finish up work on other stuff lately and have been kinda swamped…sorry.

But when I head the news that Jack in the Box was offering two free tacos today to anyone who downloads the coupon at HanginthereJack.com, I knew I had to break my blog silence and tell you about it.

I don’t know if you’ve been following the wacky, “Hang in there Jack” viral advertising campaign — launched with that hilarious ad during the Super Bowl…yes, we Tivo-ed the game for the commercials — but the updates about Jack’s health on the website have been pretty funny.

And while I don’t know if Jack will live or die, I do know what Christine and I will be having for dinner. Yay! Jack in the Crack tacos have always been my favorite thing on their menu…so, getting them for free is kind of crazy awesome!

Also heard from our free food guru, “Santa Fe Sarah”, that IHOP is giving away free pancakes today as well. Our IHOP in Burbank is super ghetto and is always way too crowded, so we’ll probably skip that, but if you’re interested, you can read more about the promo here.

In the meantime, pray for Jack’s speady recovery (that is his most recent X-ray, above) and get yourself some free tacos pronto!

Martha and Conan share a 40 for the road…

Don’t know if you guys have been watching “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” this week or not, but tonight is Conan’s last show from New York City before coming west in a few weeks to take over as host of “The Tonight Show”.

And though the shows this week have all been hilarious — we missed Carrie Fisher unfreezing the Masturbating Bear from carbonite, but it sounded awesome! — perhaps our favorite guest star has been Conan’s old pal, Martha Stewart. Showing up unannounced on Wednesday night’s show, Martha brought some now-classic clips of Conan’s 2002 appearance on “Martha Stewart Living”.

We’d seen the clips before, and the two have appeared on each others shows dozens of times over the years, but this last little visit on the old set in NYC was really sweet. TV bullshit aside, you can tell that these two really like each other and seeing as we love both Martha and Conan, seeing them together is like TV geek nirvana! Wow!

But even more awesome was the final parting gift Martha brought Conan. To commemorate a now-legendary visit to his show back in the days of Andy Richter, Martha brought Taco Bell bean burritos and a pair of ice-cold 40 ouncers for her and Conan to share. It was hilarious!

I’m sure Martha will make many a return visit to Conan’s show when he moves out here, but I gotta tell ya, seeing those two drink malt liquor while noshing on Taco Bell on the old Late Night set left us both a little verklempt.

Seriously, we’re gonna miss that shit when he moves up the dial an hour to 11:30. So, best of luck with the new gig, Conan, and here’s hoping we don’t weep too much while watching your final show tonight…

Conan’s last new show from NYC airs tonight at 12:35AM on NBC.

24-hour Nurses @ Future Moms

Normally, I would be the last person to praise our health care provider for anything, but as Christine and I near the final stretch in her pregnancy — she will be 37 weeks on Saturday, which is considered full term, yay! — I wanted to take a minute to praise the super cool telephone nurses at Future Moms.

Run by Anthem Blue Cross, Future Moms is a totally free (if you have Anthem insurance) service that offers you free books, tons of informational brochures, access to scads of detailed online information and best of all, 24-hour telephone access to real live nurses.

That’s right, amigos, if your wife starts getting Braxton Hicks contractions in the middle of the night or your doctor leaves you a cryptic message on a Friday then takes off for the weekend, just call those nurses up, anytime of the day or night, and they will talk you down from that rooftop. Seriously, they will answer any question you have, no matter how stupid it is.

Christine has only called the 866 number a couple of times, but being the neurotic over-worrier that I am, I have called those poor gals up many a time in the wee hours of the night. I know it’s crazy, but nobody puts my fears to rest better than a real live nurse with a hot Southern accent. Don’t know why, but they all seem to have that.

So, as we near the big day and the end of the free servive approaches, I gotta give those Future Moms nurses a great big shout out. Muchas gracias, hot Southern nurses, you guys rock! Now, if I could only convince them to give us free 24-hour advice for the next 18 years on everything else to do with raising a happy and healthy little girl, I’d be all set…

To read more about the Future Moms program click here.

Not Chris Brown’s Bentley…

Not sure if this made news anywhere but here in televised-car-chase-happy Los Angeles, but the slow speed police pursuit of a mysterious white Bentley was all over our news tonight. The fact that every station we flipped to breathlessly suggested that the driver of the Bentley might be alleged Rihanna-beater Chris Brown made the story even more surreal.

Seriously, you should have heard NBC4’s Colleen Williams and Paul Moyer getting all TMZ about the “alleged elebrity connection” to the chase. True, they never said the words “Chris” and “Brown”, but, man alive, did they try. It was kind of insane…

To make things even weirder, the chase ended a few blocks from our house in nearby Universal City. We could actually see and hear the news helicopters from our bedroom, so, like all good Angelenos we kept watching the news (even online) to see who was driving that freaking Bentley.

Of course, L.A. news being what it is, we never did find out who the driver was, some people are saying it was Miami rapper DJ Khaled, but his MySpace page seems to dispute that. And just now, I heard that the driver allegedly shot himself as the SWAT team moved in on him. Yikes!

So, after all that dramatic news coverage, all we know for sure is that it was not Chris Brown who led what looked like the city’s entire police force on a slow speed chase through the highways and biways of Los Angeles. And that even by L.A. standards, last night’s news was just plain crazy…

Radiohead and the USC Marching Band make Grammy magic!

Just as Nostradamus predicted, this year’s Grammy Awards were as boring and fast-forwardable as usual, but there was one live performance that truly rocked our world. You guessed it…our boys from Radiohead did it again.

Not only did Thom Yorke and company take home two awards (one for Best Alternative Album and one for Best Box or Limited Edition Package) for their rocking “In Rainbows” album last night, but they also performed for the first time on the Grammy stage with the very able backing of the USC Trojan Marching Band. I know it sounds crazy, but, holy crap…it was awesome!

While several of the other performers last night sounded kinda shaky in that big old Staples Center, Radiohead and that badass marching band sounded freaking amazing. And you just know those USC dudes — who wore matching “In Rainbows” tour t-shirts like the super soft one I bought earlier this year at the Hollywood Bowl –were loving being up there with the premiere act of the night. Seriously, it was kind of magical.

I could have done without presenter Gwyneth Paltrow’s strange, 80’s street whore ensemble, but hey, she introduced our favorite act of the night, so, I can live with it. I do wonder though if she had a hand in those fugly-ass military jackets her husband, Coldplay front man Chris Martin, and his band have been wearing this year. Love their music, and glad to see them get some Grammy love last night, but, wow…those jackets gotta go.

Oh yeah, also very excited to see Adele pick up the Best New Artist Grammy. Yay! Finally someone good and musically relevant wins in a category that usually celebrates the greatness of such luminaries as Paula Cole, Hootie and the Blowfish and the Starland Vocal Band. And best of all, the Jonas Brothers went home empty handed. Ha ha, suck it Jo Bros!

Anyway, dying to hear what the rest of you thought of the show, so, comment away, amigos. And in the meantime, kudos again to Radiohead for making our night! You know, they were so good, I think I’m gonna go undelete that shit and watch it again…

Lux Interior (1946-2009)

Found out late last week that Lux Interior, the “Godfather of Psychobilly”, and lead singer of The Cramps died at the age of 62 in Glendale, California. Yes, that Glendale, California. Who knew that a rocking dude like Interior lived and died a few blocks from the place my brother calls home. Crazy…

Crazier still was the fact that it was my brother, Ryan, who first introduced me to Interior and The Cramps’ strange brew of classic rockabilly, punk, and straight up hilarity. I kid you not, amigos, the distinctive sound he created with founding bandmate, wife, and only permanent Cramp member, Poison Ivy, was insane.

Their music was gritty, raw, beautifully written, and filthy as the day is long. And though I loved a lot of the stuff my brother was grooving on in the mid-to-late-80’s (and still do…long live Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds!) The Cramps had a sense of humor that truly set them apart from some of the other dark-ass shit Ryan listened to back then.

I think he probably has all their best albums on vinyl or, horror of horrors, on…cassette tape, but the one Cramps CD I have is “A Date With Elvis”, and it rocks! I’m sure hardcore Cramps fans would tell you that “Elvis” was the band’s sell-out record, and maybe it is, but to me it was their most polished, lushly musical album and if you haven’t heard it, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

Christine and I have spent the whole weekend rediscovering it and, trust me, “A Date With Elvis” still packs a serious punch. From the jangly opening chords of “How Far Can Too Far Go?” to the children’s chorus is “People Ain’t No Good” and the swinging “South Pacific” vibe of the hilarious “Kizmiaz”, Interior and company prove themselves to be masters of not just the psychobilly genre, but straight up rockabilly as well.

And the way they recall some of the early Sun Studios work by fellow madmen like Rufus Thomas and The King himself in such songs as “It’s Just That Song”, “Cornfed Dames”, and “Can Your Pussy Do The Dog?” is freaking ingenious. And best of all, it’s just really good music. Seriously, you could dance all night to these songs. Hell, we did!

I guess the thing I found most shocking about Interior’s death was that he was so young, I mean, Joe Strummer, most of The Ramones, and then this…what the hell? Why all the good punk rockers gotta die so young, man? Sad…

Our thoughts go out to Interior’s widow, Poison Ivy, right now. I know it’s small consolation at a time like this, but here’s hoping you know what a huge impact you and your husband’s music had on these three impressionable youths. RIP, Lux Interior…long may you rock!

Duff vs. Dunaway: Battle of the Bonnies

Apparently, the Christian Bale blow-up isn’t the only juicy celebrity news this week. It seems that some totally lame-brained filmmakers have decided to inexplicably remake the film classic “Bonnie and Clyde” with, get this, Hilary Duff starring as Bonnie Parker.

Yep, that Hilary Duff. Insanity! But even weirder than the casting is the juicy war of words that followed its announcement. Upon hearing that Duff would be tackling the iconic role that made her a star, Faye Dunaway hissed: “Couldn’t they at least cast a real actress?” Meow-ch!

None too pleased with the very public dis, Duff fired back on E! News with this sassy rebuttal: “I think that my fans that are going to go see the movie don’t even know who she is. I think it was a little unnecessary, but I might be mad if I looked like that now, too.” Ooo…double meow-ch!

I don’t know if she’s just getting in character or whatever, but if I were Duff, I’d watch my back. Crazy plastic surgery or not, Dunaway is an Oscar-winning, Hollywood legend who has starred in some of the best movies ever made, and on top of all that, the bitch is straight-up crazy!

So, mock Dunaway’s looks at your own peril Duffy…and don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning with a wire hanger sticking out of your pert little behind. Seriously…watch your back. Laura Mars gonna cut you!

Oddly enough, I actually think Duff bears more than a passing resemblance to a young Dunaway, especially in the pics above, taken during a strangely prophetic photo shoot last year for Allure magazine. So, who knows, maybe Duff will end up with a too-tight face and horse-chomper veneers of her own one day too. Who’ll be “mad” then, huh, Lizzie McGuire?

But the biggest question I have is why in the hell are they remaking “Bonnie & Clyde” in the first place? Maybe it’s that ending? Hmmm…come to think of it, it was kind of a downer…

UPDATE: Free Grand Slam Day at Denny’s!

I hope you all took advantage of Denny’s gift to America yesterday and got yourself a free Grand Slam Breakfast, but for those of you who missed out, never fear, because…as always…I took plenty of pictures!

It all started at 10AM when my friends Mike and Patty and I met up in the parking lot at the new Denny’s near the Burbank airport and found ourselves a place in line. Yes, there was a line, and it was long as hell, but hey, the food was free and the crowd was in a great mood…so, we had fun.

I think we waited in line for about half an hour — a small price to pay for free grub at the what I consider the best Denny’s in L.A. County — but once we got a table, our piping-hot food was up and ready quicker than you can say: “a side of hash browns for 99cents”. Seriously, the service was fast, man.

And while I’ve heard some grumblings from haters who didn’t think the line was worth the wait, I gotta tell ya from years of experience, free food events are not about the wait or the food…they are all about the experience.

And in today’s cruel economic climate, I can’t think of a better experience than a rocking free breakfast with America…so, thank you, Denny’s!

Free Grand Slam Day @ Denny’s!

Hopefully, you guys will read this in time to take advantage of this sweet-ass offer…but today only, February 3rd, from 6AM to 2PM, the kind folks at Denny’s are giving away free Grand Slam breakfasts! Yep, I said free…as in, all you gotta buy is your coffee. Pretty cool, huh?

I’m sure this killer offer is not news to anyone who watched the Super Bowl on Sunday, but seeing as Christine and I were otherwise engaged (and just now finished watching the Bowl commercials on Tivo) we just heard about the Denny’s deal of the decade last night.

And in case you were wondering, I did read the fine print on the website, and unless you live in the town of Baker, California or Las Cruces, New Mexico, the Grand Slams will be free at every single Denny’s in the United States. AND from what I’ve read on a couple of other sites, you can add another two items to your breakfast for only 99cents each. If that’s true, then…wow, I’ll stay there all day.

Ooo, speaking of…if I go to bed right now, I can squeeze in a good five hours of sleep before my free breakfast. Later…