Sprinkles Cupcake ATM Machine

Hello, again. Wondering where we’ve been all this time? Or why I haven’t blogged about this year’s Cannes Film Festival even once this whole month when it ends in like, four days? Well, the answer, amigos, is twofold.

Part one of the reason I’ve been away is that I’ve been working (a lot) on a couple of writing projects that actually, you know, pay. So, sadly, that leaves little time for blogging here. Sorry…

And the other reason we’ve been away for so long is that we’ve spending entirely too much time thinking about the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM Machine. Actually, we’ve been doing a lot more than “thinking about it”, we’ve cheated on our diet exactly three times to get our hands on some tasty Sprinkles Cupcakes, and every time has been better than the last.

Seriously, our last visit at 1:30AM might have been the best yet…or maybe that was the pumpkin cupcake talking. Either way, this freaking cupcake ATM is a revelation. The way it works is pretty simple, step up to the touch-screen monitor, scroll through the cupcakes pictured till you find one you like, click on the image and then swipe your credit card. And $4.00 later your selection appears in a cute little Sprinkles box. Just like a real ATM, only sweeter!

There’s always a line (even at 3:30AM!) but it moves quickly and everyone is so happy to be there that the camaraderie only adds to the whole cupcake-to-go experience. The funniest thing we noticed lately is how many straight single men are in line for this thing. Women, tourists and city-savvy gays you’d expect, but burly straight dudes on their way home from a bar or the gym? Wow…I guess cupcakes really are the great equalizer.

Anyway, back to my daydreaming about that sweet-ass pumpkin cupcake. Happy ATM-ing everyone!

The return of Brenda Walsh?

As huge fans of the original show in it’s heyday — and crazy-huge fans of almost anything Shannen “Shando” Doherty has ever appeared in, including even her craziest TV movies! — Christine and I were kind of dying to see the new and supposedly-improved version of “Beverly Hills, 90210” on the CW last night.

But after slogging through two hours of over-scored, oddly-paced dreck, all we can say is, what the hell? Or in the parlance of the CW’s far-superior teen sexfest, “Gossip Girl”, OMFG! Seriously, this “90210” sucked so bad that we actually fast-forwarded through huge chunks of the show to get to the good stuff.

And, if you watched the season premiere last night, you know that I am being extremely generous in labeling any part of it as “good stuff”. Though some of the actors were winning — the new Brenda and Brandon surrogates were both pretty decent, and the resident mean girl had her moments, but that was about it — the biggest problem with the show is that it was just plain weird.

Boring, badly written and strangely jumpy, the show jerked us around so much that I had some serious Tivo whiplash. Everything just seemed so rushed, and with no scene lasting more than two to three minutes, I actually screamed at the TV at one point: “Let those scenes breathe, baby!” I mean, honestly, if this series was not based on an older, better show, it would have never made it past the pilot stage. Yes…it’s that freaking bad.

Another key ingredient that was missing last night was the “Spelling magic”. Love him or hate him, Aaron Spelling knew how to make some damn fine guilty-pleasure TV. Sure, some of his shows crossed the line into straight-up cheese (“7th Heaven” anyone?) but for the most part, the man was a hit-making machine, whose absence was never felt more poignantly than last night.

With any semblance of nuance and character development chucked out the window with Jason Priestley’s iconic sideburns, the entire show was DOA. Seriously, even Spelling would have had a hard time saving this sinking ship.

And though the press have been running “Shando” stories left and right, our girl Brenda had like, two scenes and both of them were snoozers. Jennie Garth’s return as Kelly wasn’t much more interesting, but hell, at least she got to look kinda “teacher-hot” in some tight-ass blouses and share a mysterious phone call with someone about her young son. Was it the boy’s father? And is said father someone we know from before? Who knows…and really, who cares?

But the much-touted return of Brenda Walsh amounted to “Shando” basically eating at The Peach Pit with Kelly and then offering to babysit for her when she went on a date. Yawn-o-rama! You brought Brenda back from a glamorous life on the London stage for this?? Yikes…

The Brenda Walsh we loved was spunky, pig-headed, impulsive and crazy as all hell. And, lord in heaven, if you needed a babysitter, you’d call Andrea Zuckerman way before you’d even think of calling Brenda. I mean, really!

So, watch this slapped-together CW crapfest at your own peril, amigos. And if you want a true, old-school Brenda Walsh fix, I reccommend picking up some of the early, best seasons of “90210” on DVD.

And in the meantime…go, “Shando”!