Tag Archives: Alanis Morissette

Alanis Morissette’s Christmas miracle!

Her ex-boyfriend’s marriage to Scarjo may have gone down in flames, but it’s all good news for Alanis Morissette and her husband, rapper, Mario ‘Souleye’ Treadway. The couple, married this past May in Los Angeles, welcomed their first child, a baby boy named Ever Imre Morissette-Treadway on Christmas day.

I don’t know what Imre means exactly, but, I do seriously dig the name Ever. So, congrats all around and here’s hoping the birth of her first child only adds to the depth and complexity of Alanis’ angsty-arty jams. Yes, haters, Morissette still releases new CD’s, and I have them all to prove it!

Congrats again to the happy couple and bouncing baby Ever. Long may you rock!

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“Rosie Live!”

Judging from the ratings, I think Christine and I were the only losers who actually watched this train wreck of a TV special last week. And considering that Christine stopped watching after the opening number with Liza Minnelli, I guess that means I’m the only loser who watched it all the way through. And, let me tell ya, it was God-awful…

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No offense to mis hermanos at Telemundo, but “Rosie Live!” was like a Mexican variety show minus the subtlety. Not only was Rosie herself spectacularly unfunny, but the line-up of guest stars was beyond unholy.

Of course, I expected NBC stars like Alec Baldwin, Jane Krakowski, and even Conan O’Brien — who appeared just long enough to have a pie thrown in his face by Baldwin! — to show up to shamelessly promote their own shows. But who in their right mind thought of inviting Rachel Ray to wordlessly trot across the stage with a giant fake turkey?

And trust me, Ray was on the normal end of the spectrum. The rest of the show reads like a laundry list of bad ideas: Clay Aiken chatting Rosie up in his full-on “Spamalot” togs, Harry Connick Jr. playing Santa, Ne-Yo cheesing out with the “Solid Gold” dancers, Alanis Morisette going totally goth, a troupe of acrobats spinning to a crazy techo remix of Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)”, Gloria Estefan singing with dancing Thanksgiving food, and last, but not least, Kathy Griffin inexplicably dressed as (and lamely spoofing) that old CNN harpie, Nancy Grace.

Seriously, NBC, who thought any of these things were gonna pull in the big numbers? I think the funniest thing about this whole debacle is now that the show has reportedly been canceled after one airing, NBC is retroactively referring to “Rosie Live!” as a “special”. Ha!

How a show widely-touted as a new series one week is downgraded to a one-off special the next is beyond me, but no matter what they call it, “Rosie Live!” was jaw-droppingly bad television. And I watched every lame minute of it. Yikes…

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Scarlett Johanssen breaks my heart…

I know she’s been engaged to actor Ryan Reynolds for a while now — and I am kinda married and everything, so I totally shouldn’t care — but I was still sad/surprised to hear that one of our favorite actresses, Scarlett “Scarjo” Johanssen got secretly hitched this weekend in Canada. Just kidding about the sad part…um, kinda.

Seriously though, secretly doing anything in this TMZ world is a big deal, so, kudos on hiding that shit from the media, Scarjo! And congrats on marrying Reynolds too. The dude has done some really good stuff in some really bad movies, but Christine and I still totally dig him. So, rock on, happy couple!

And live it up while you can, amigos, cause you just know my girl Alanis (Reynold’s jilted ex-fiancée) is in a dark room somewhere totally writing a mean-ass song about you guys…

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Wii Fit Jams: Music to sweat by…

OK, let me start by saying that the one and only complaint I have about our beloved Wii Fit so far is that several of the workout “games” don’t have any musical accompaniment. Sure, the hula hoop workout has some music and the yoga has some dreamy sounds floating by in the background, but the jogging is totally devoid of music.

Now, the visuals on the island jog are gorgeous and the sound effects are awesome, but I like me some music when I jog…so rather than dash off an angry letter to Nintendo, I made an iPod playlist especially for my Wii Fit workout!

These aren’t the best songs on my iPod — and lord knows they aren’t the worst! — but if they get me moving and get the old blood pumping, then, good, bad or totally cheesy, they made the list. That said, I’m warning you ahead of time that this is definitely not the kind of music I recommend blasting from your car stereo as you cruise Hollywood Blvd. with your homies.

But if you’re working out in the comfort of your own home in the middle of the night, then have at it, amigos. This Wii Fit playlist is for you!

Before I list the songs, I should also add that this list is by no means permanent. I dumped about 5.5 hours worth of Wii Fit worthy music into the playlist and really only use the first 42-45 minutes worth of tunes, so, needless to say, I change the list up a lot. But as of right now…this is my list…

Since I usually start with about ten minutes of hard core hula hoop-ing — don’t laugh, that shit is harder than it looks and man, does it make you sweat! — I begin my workout with Van McCoy’s roller rink classic “The Hustle” (3:47). I know what you’re thinking, but trust me, disco and hula hoops are kind of like peas and carrots…they just work.

Next up is another glittery, disco-era jam, Sister Sledge’s “He’s the Greatest Dancer” (3:25). I know it’s lame, but when I’m mid hula, it’s fun to imagine that the Sister’s Sledge are singing about me. That’s right, for a little over three minutes…I am the greatest dancer! Or, you know, hula hooper…

From here, I transition to classic, mid-60’s Elvis Presley for 2.07 minutes of “Bossa Nova Baby”. Dying for the hula hooping to end, I finish up the session with 2.38 minutes of Neil Diamond’s jangly, and, dare I say, “cracklin” good, “Cracklin’ Rosie”.

This next song was tricky as I needed something to bridge the hula hoop workout and the jogging program…music to put your jogging shoes on to. So, what better transitional tune than The Doors’ “Break on Through” (2:27). It doesn’t really take me that long to tie my shoes, but since pressing all the buttons and stuff does burn up some time, I figured, why not have some music to do it by? Right?

Now, the first song in the jogging program is the one I have changed the most. It’s hard to get the right balance of a great song and one that offers a nice, slow-build to the workout. So, as of right now, that song is Barbra Streisand’s “This is One of Those Moments” (4:04) from “Yentl”. I know it’s a pretty gay-ass jam, but hey, it does build up momentum and that’s all I was looking for.

Following “Yentl” is Mama Cass’ rocking “Make Your Own Kind of Music”. I have had that song on CD for years but only started really enjoying it since it was used on “Lost” a couple seasons back. If you haven’t heard this song yet, you’re missing out, amigos. Mama Cass rocked as a solo artist! Too bad they didn’t have Wii Fit in her day…know what I’m saying?

Next up, I am loathe to admit, is another embarrassing song: Alanis Morissette’s “Front Row” (4:13). Yes, it’s true…deep down I am a sulky twenty-year-old Liberal Arts chick with a Lilith Fair fixation. But seriously, despite the cold, disapproving glares from my wife and friends over the years, I have always dug Alanis. So…suck it, haters.

By this time, my heart is pumping and it’s time to turn up the volume, and since nobody does that better than Courtney Love, the next song on the playlist is Hole’s “Violet” (3:23). This song is like smelling salts to me…seriously, I could be out cold, hear those opening chords and be totally revived in seconds. It’s that good! And speaking of good, next up is Ben Fold’s equally-jamming “Zac and Sara” (3:10). What can I say? Nothing keeps fatty jogging more than some sweet, smoking, Southern piano! Go, Ben!

The next spot on the playlist is another one that has been changed several times. I think I started out with some Nick Cave and Avril Lavigne but have somehow ended up with Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell’s one solo hit “Look at Me” (2:44). I know, cheese-tastic. But I’ll tell you what, that zippy, UK trash-pop ditty keeps me moving, baby. So, rock on, “girl power”!

By this point, my little Mii has already made several laps around the Wii Fit island and is desperately in need of some inspiration to carry him to the 30 minute mark. This time, that inspiration comes from The Killers’ lush, almost insanely beautiful “Read My Mind” (4:06). Wow…this song shimmers almost as much as that virtual surf in the distance of Wii Fit island…amazing!

With the Wii FIt finish line in site, I segue back to The King for Elvis Presley’s kick-ass cover of Chuck Berry’s jaunty “Memphis Tennessee” (2:10). Wow…nothing like an ice cool song to counteract the sweat rolling down my shiny forehead! Yee-haw!

And then, as the clock ticks down the minutes in the upper right hand side of the screen, Neil Diamond returns to play me on home with “America” (4:17). When I have timed everything just right, I actually sweep across the finish line just as Neil belts out that “My country tis of thee…TODAY!” action. Man…what better way to end a workout? Thanks, Neil.

And just like that, it’s time to tally up my 42 Wii Fit fitness points — you get one point for every minute you work out — and hit the showers. Like I said, my playlist is a strange and ever-evolving beast right now, so if you have any cool tunes to add or, more likely, subtract, please, feel free to leave me a comment…

In the meantime, que viva los Wii Fit jams!

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