Alright, I know it’s kind of stupid, and totally un-PC, but sometimes when there are a bunch of people with really hard to remember names in certain Olympic events, Christine and I come up with nicknames to keep them straight. And as with most nicknames, the lamer they are, the easy they are to remember.
So, this past weekend, Slovakian kayaker Elena Kaliska became known in our house as Alice from “The Brady Bunch”. I know, stupid right? But all of those chicks kinda looked the same after a while, so whenever Kaliska did something cool, it was just easier to say: “OMG, Alice just rocked that slalom final!” than to remember her name and country.
And I ask you, does she not bear an uncanny resemblance to America’s favorite mid-70’s maid? Hell, yeah she does. And just like Alice, Kaliska cleaned house in the Women’s Single Kayak K1 finals this weekend and ended up taking home the gold medal for Slovakia.
I don’t remember watching kayaking before, but wow, that shit is exciting! Not only do the kayakers have to navigate an insanely choppy river of man-made rapids, but they also have to pass through a series of green racing gates on the way down and, get this, several more red gates that they must turn around and navigate through in the opposite direction. Insanity!
It was a fast and furious day at the Shunyi Rowing and Canoeing Park in Beijing — so much so that the silver medalist, Jacqueline Lawrence of Australia, actually sailed up off the course onto the grass at one point! — and just as we hoped, our tough-as-nails Alice, a gold medalist in the same event in Athens, won the day. So, rock on Slovakia. Somewhere, Sam the butcher is smiling…