Daily Archives: January 16, 2008

“American Idol: Season Seven”

Let me start by saying that I don’t plan on documenting every twist and turn of a show that plays practically every night of the week…but, that said, I did want to write a little something about last night’s rocking Season Seven premiere of “American Idol”.

Crazy Black Chick in white hat & boa! (Jan. 15, 2008)

Yes, I know FOX is the enemy right now, and reality TV is an even more insidious enemy, but that said, as lame and cheesy as it can be at times, I simply cannot resist the gravitational pull of the early “freakshow audition” episodes of Idol.

Christine is totally not with me on this as she tends to favor the singing and dramatic elimination episodes to come. But to me, Idol is, first and foremost, all about the freaks!

Crazy Paul Robeson dude w/weird voice! (Jan. 15, 2008)

And this year’s premiere — masterfully culled from two-days of auditions in Philadelphia — did not disappoint. There was the strange moaning of the Paul Robeson dude in the yellow suit (above); the screaming, swearing meltdown of the rail-thin rocker chick (below); but best of all was the chunky black chick with the weird hair and the morbidly obese mother. I know it’s terrible to enjoy this, but man, was it awesome!

Crazy rocker chick! (Jan. 15, 2008)

This poor girl opened by saying she wanted to win the competition for her ill mother. OK, right there you have me and Christine reaching for the Kleenex…but then, she sang. Lord in Heaven…you never heard such a thing. Just the saddest, weakest voice imaginable. And when they let her down gently, she burst into tears. And once again, we reached for the Kleenex.

Randy, Paula and Simon felt so bad for this girl that they actually walked her back outside and hugged her wheelchair-bound mother. Pretty stirring stuff…but then it was back to work.

Sad bad singer w/morbidly obese momma! (Jan. 15, 2008)

There was the million-year old dude in the leopard-print vest (he said he was 39, but, well…does he look 39 to you?), the stalker dude (not pictured) who sang a self-penned ode to Paula where everything rhymed with “stalk” (Simon actually had him ejected by Security), and the insane “Hello Dolly”-era Barbra Streisand impersonator who they barely touched on. We were kind of dying to know what he/she sang…oh, well.

NOT 39-year-old dude! (Jan. 15, 2008)
Crazy “Hello Dolly” chick! (Jan. 15, 2008)

But the true stars of the night were the Princess Leia impersonators. Forget gravitational pull, these two were so entertaining I was in a freaking Imperial tractor beam. The saddest thing is that I actually saw not one, but BOTH of these people IN PERSON at the 30th Anniversary “Star Wars” convention here last May. I know…insert nerd joke here.

As you can imagine, neither of them could sing worth a damn, but who really cares how you sing when you’re rocking a cool Princess Leia costume?

Crazy Princess Leia chick! (Jan. 15, 2008)

Oh yeah, and the dude in the slave Leia outfit actually left for a bit to wax his chest for Paula…hilarious! I was expecting them to show the waxing and then use that “Ooo, Kelly Clarkson!” line from “The 40-year-old Virgin”, but alas, “Idol” — like so many reality shows — doesn’t employ WGA writers, so, no cool “Idol” throwback jokes for them. Ha!

And lest you think all the folks who auditioned last night were freakishly untalented, they did end the show with two genuinely good singers with truly touching back stories.

Crazy Princess Leia Dude! (Jan. 15, 2008)

The blonde (pictured below) is from Selma, Oregon, which is like, one town over from where Christine was raised…so, even if she sucked, she’s got our vote. But rather than suck, this girl rocked! She sounded amazing, AND she had to sell her beloved barrel horse (Christine knew what they were) so she could afford a plane ticket to the auditions. Wow…that is a story America can rally behind…you go, Oregon! You win that shit and buy yourself a whole bunch of barrel horses!

And then, they pulled out the big guns. This sweet-faced black chick (as you probably noticed, I didn’t remember any of their names…too early in the show for that stuff) came out and burned the audition room down. She was awesome and just in case her voice wasn’t enough to push her through, she has a young daughter with a disease that made her brain stop growing. OH MY GOD…we were literally sobbing when they showed her clip. Seriously, forget the competition, just give that girl the title already!

Super cool chick from Selma, Oregon! (Jan. 15, 2008)

And on top of everything else, the judges were truly hysterical. This part of the show is really their time to shine, and shine they did, baby. Simon was on fire last night, and this is only night one of what is sure to be a greatly expanded season. So…wow…lots of savage UK wit to look forward to!

I know what you’re thinking…we should so NOT be supporting Rupert Murdoch’s evil Empire by watching this crazy show, but I’m sorry, it’s literally like candy to us…and you know Christine and I loves us some candy.

Sweet-faced single-mom! (Jan. 15, 2008)

So, for now, we’re keeping the Kleenex close and the curtains drawn as we settle in for another kick-ass season of “American Idol”…


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Starless night…

OK, I know I’m a couple days late with this verdict, but my review of this year’s Golden-Globe-Awards meets-Access-Hollywood-suck-fest can be summed up in three simple words: WORST SHOW EVER!

My Golden Globe photoshop creation! Enjoy!

Someday, when the strike is long behind us, we should band together as a nation and try Access Hollywood’s curiously-orange Billy Bush and Nancy O’Dell for crimes against television. Seriously, NBC’s coverage of the event was probably the most painful hour of television I’ve sat through since some of those wobbly season three episode’s of “Lost”. I mean, wow…not only was the so-called “LIVE” feed obviously NOT live, but that banter was like, excruciatingly bad…

“Wow, I didn’t think she’d win…I thought [blank] would win…” For the love of Pete, who cares who you thought would win? You’re Billy Bush!! And then, the real kicker came when Mr. Bush and Ms. O’Dell totally skipped over the screenwriting award. Nice one, NBC. Real mature…

The HFPA’s Golden Globe Press Conference (Jan. 13, 2008)

NOT Mary Hart @ the HFPA’s Press Conference (Jan. 13, 2008)

In their defense, the Best Screenplay award wasn’t the only one they skipped over, but seeing as the original press conference only took 35 minutes and NBC broadcast their show for an hour, it would seem that they’d have plenty of time to get to all the awards. But, no such luck. You could almost hear the NBC suits laughing: “We’ll show those striking writers…muh-ha-ha-ha!”

But hey, skipping the writing award — they also didn’t announce the winners of Best Foreign Film, Score and Best Mini-Series or Movie Made For Television — was really just the nail in the coffin of an already epically bad show. I’m not kidding, compared to the crap NBC cobbled together, the Hollywood Foreign Press’ boring — but factually “Live” — reading of the winner’s names seem positively riveting!

The HFPA’s “GG” Press Conference (Jan. 13, 2008)

And in honor of that fact, aside from my photo collage above, I’m only including pics today of the Hollywood Foreign Press event. So, right back at ya, NBC!

But speaking of the HFPA’s event…wow…who would think we’d live to see the day when Mary Hart seemed regal and well…entertaining? Man alive, we were so hungry for star-wattage at that point that we just totally ate her up! But, sadly, even Mary’s delivery was a bit forced at times. So, in the end, we just felt kinda bad for the winner’s…I mean, this thing was a total disaster all around.

The glamorous Mary Hart @ the HFPA’s Press Conference (Jan. 13, 2008)

But once again, a disaster that could have been easily averted weeks ago had the AMPTP not broken off talks with WGA leaderships back in December.

I’m just praying the Studios and Network honchos “man up” and return to the bargaining table soon, so we can avoid another nightmare like this come Oscar time…I mean, hello, we’ve got a party to plan!


Filed under See