Closes Early “R” Us!

Just came back from a harrowing visit to the ghetto-ass Toys “R” Us in Burbank and all I can say is…wow, crazytown! I was in search of one particular item — NOT the vintage Boba Fett Underoos pictured below, but close — that was hugely discounted for yesterday’s whopping one day sale.

And since the store had extended hours, I figured we’d have plenty of time to get there. But, well…we didn’t.

NOT what I was shopping for tonight, but cool nonetheless!

Toys “R” Us closed last night at midnight and despite our best efforts to the contrary, my brother Ryan and I arrived at their door at 11:55pm.

Dropping me off out front, Ryan parked the car while I ran to the door to at least squeeze inside before they closed…and guess what? The door was locked! LOCKED! At 11:55pm! Five whole minutes early!

So I softly knocked and waved at the sour-faced woman inside. “Hi. I just need one thing, I’ll be really fast. Can I please come in?”

“No. We’re closed”

“But, it’s only 11:55…”

“No, it’s not. It’s midnight.”

Popping open my cellphone, I shook my head. “Um, no, it’s not…it’s 11:55.”

“Sir, we’re closed. All of our registers are closed.”

“Oh, so I guess you closed early?” I sassed.

Glaring at me through the sticky, fingerprint-smeared glass doors, I swear that chick snarled at me. “No, we closed at midnight.”

Giving up, I stormed away from the door just as Ryan appeared behind me from the car.

“What happened?” He asked, winded from his sprint from the car.

“That chick said they’re closed…”

“But it’s only 11:56!” Ryan gasped, checking his cellphone to make sure.

“I know. But she won’t let me in…whatever. Let’s just go.”

As Ryan gasped at the injustice of it all, another sour-faced woman appeared from the shadows of the parking lot behind us. “Sir, we’re closed. It’s midnight.”

“No, it’s not!” Ryan yelled back. Yes, he was yelling now. Scary!

“It is by my clock…” she shrugged.

“Oh really? And is your cell phone clock calibrated by a satellite from above like mine is?!” Ryan roared, hoisting his cellphone into the air to illustrate his point.

Stunned, the woman stared at us for a beat and then headed towards the front door with her keys. “Fine. But I’m only letting one of you in.” And believe it or not, she did!

So I grabbed what I came for, paid as quickly as possible and hurried back outside under the watchful, murderous glares of the workers inside. And when I got to the car, I checked my receipt and guess what the time stamp said…11:58pm!

Ha! Sweet vindication…suck it Toys “R” Us. Satellite calibrated cell phones “from above” win the day again!


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8 responses to “Closes Early “R” Us!

  1. Ginger

    Oh, what I would have given to be there in that Toys-R-Us parking lot to hear Ryan yell those words to that befuddled salesclerk…..priceless.

  2. Dan

    That Toys “R” Us is very shady.

  3. yeti9000

    Hey, Dan Bob, I agree…the only thing shadier than that Toys “R” Us is that creepy Burger King nearby. And just for the record, they close early too! Must be the neighborhood or something…

  4. Melissa

    I just had the longest craziest week and you gave me such a big laugh with this story. Thanks; I needed that. Can I put that in my book about retail (if I ever write it) entitled “You Don’t Get to Do That”?

  5. yeti9000

    Love the title of your book! I think it will have a place of honor on the bookstore shelf next to my searing expose on retail, entitled: “You Want Socks With That?”

  6. Linda Romero

    I am so laughing at this story!! Momma didn’t raise no fools – taught you how to tell time at an early age. Obviously those ToysRUs chicks missed that day at school.

  7. I want Ryan to be my back up! You’re lucky Tom!

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