Closes Early “R” Us!

Just came back from a harrowing visit to the ghetto-ass Toys “R” Us in Burbank and all I can say is…wow, crazytown! I was in search of one particular item — NOT the vintage Boba Fett Underoos pictured below, but close — that was hugely discounted for yesterday’s whopping one day sale.

And since the store had extended hours, I figured we’d have plenty of time to get there. But, well…we didn’t.

Toys “R” Us closed last night at midnight and despite our best efforts to the contrary, my brother Ryan and I arrived at their door at 11:55pm.

Dropping me off out front, Ryan parked the car while I ran to the door to at least squeeze inside before they closed…and guess what? The door was locked! LOCKED! At 11:55pm! Five whole minutes early!

So I softly knocked and waved at the sour-faced woman inside. “Hi. I just need one thing, I’ll be really fast. Can I please come in?”

“No. We’re closed”

“But, it’s only 11:55…”

“No, it’s not. It’s midnight.”

Popping open my cellphone, I shook my head. “Um, no, it’s not…it’s 11:55.”

“Sir, we’re closed. All of our registers are closed.”

“Oh, so I guess you closed early?” I sassed.

Glaring at me through the sticky, fingerprint-smeared glass doors, I swear that chick snarled at me. “No, we closed at midnight.”

Giving up, I stormed away from the door just as Ryan appeared behind me from the car.

“What happened?” He asked, winded from his sprint from the car.

“That chick said they’re closed…”

“But it’s only 11:56!” Ryan gasped, checking his cellphone to make sure.

“I know. But she won’t let me in…whatever. Let’s just go.”

As Ryan gasped at the injustice of it all, another sour-faced woman appeared from the shadows of the parking lot behind us. “Sir, we’re closed. It’s midnight.”

“No, it’s not!” Ryan yelled back. Yes, he was yelling now. Scary!

“It is by my clock…” she shrugged.

“Oh really? And is your cell phone clock calibrated by a satellite from above like mine is?!” Ryan roared, hoisting his cellphone into the air to illustrate his point.

Stunned, the woman stared at us for a beat and then headed towards the front door with her keys. “Fine. But I’m only letting one of you in.” And believe it or not, she did!

So I grabbed what I came for, paid as quickly as possible and hurried back outside under the watchful, murderous glares of the workers inside. And when I got to the car, I checked my receipt and guess what the time stamp said…11:58pm!

Ha! Sweet vindication…suck it Toys “R” Us. Satellite calibrated cell phones “from above” win the day again!

Quote of the day: Paul Hagis

The rumor mill seemed to be working overtime today, with that paragon of journalistic integrity, Daily Variety — who reap untold millions off the AMPTP’s pricey “For Your Consideration” ads each year — reporting that “…a letter directed to WGA leaders has been circulating among top-level screenwriters in recent days with the message that while the scribes remain committed to the strike, they also believe the guild toppers need to narrow the thrust of their efforts at negotiations to hammering out terms for Internet pay.”

While that may be true, the notion that WGA jurisdiction over reality and animation is a new addition to the negotiations is patently false. Both issues have been on the table from the get-go, and while I’m sure they are not deal breakers for most writers on the lines, they remain important.

It’s carefully planted stories like these that, true or not, are designed to divide our membership by scaring us into believing that support for our leaders is eroding quicker than the hillside behind Eddie Van Halen’s house. This is just not true…well, not the part about the WGA at least. Sorry, Eddie.

And to illustrate that fact, two-time Oscar winner Paul Hagis (“Crash”) issued a statement of his own that was so cool, I had to pass it along. So, enjoy!

“In my 25-odd years in the guild, I have honestly never seen it more united,” Hagis said. “That is our great strength, and we all know it. Now if we want to get a fair deal, we need to use it. We need to be smart enough to act dumb: Shut up and keep walking. We need to stop inspecting every move and wondering why our negotiators aren’t doing this or are doing that. They are doing a great job. We put our trust in them; we need to support them. If they tell us the best thing we can do is walk in circles, that is what I will be doing, every day. Until we win. And we will. See you on the sidewalk.”

Even though I kinda hated “Crash”, I gotta give Paul credit for his mad sound bite skills. So, rock on Paul Hagis! See you on the sidewalk indeed, amigo…

And in case you’re wondering, I snapped the picture above on Friday during Paul’s speech at the Reality & Game Show Rally outside Fremantle Heaquarters in Burbank. That’s my rocking Strike Captain Aaron Solomon (who gave a rousing speech of his own after Paul finished) on the left behind the lectern. Go, Aaron!